Sea otter granted residency

I have to wonder what part of “特別”, “special” or perhaps better translated as “honorary” the people getting upset don’t get. Do they really think the otter is now a bona-fide legal resident of Kushiro now?

News flash: it is not. It is a publicity stunt, kind of like dressing up as a seal to protest a city giving said mammal “honorary citizenship”. The difference is the former is harmless fun and kind of amusing, the latter is humorless, grating, annoying and just plain retarded.

I have to wonder if people who get upset about this would get upset about some mayor giving “the key to the city” to someone/something – as if there is a big door at the city limits that you need the key for to open and get in. “Hey, how come HE gets a key but you won’t give ME one!”

“A “key to the city” is not a concept that carries any legal import or affects the day-to-day lives of (what should be considered) residents of the city.”

Neither is an “Honorary residency certificate”.

Are you a foreigner? Do you reside in Japan? If so, do you have a 外国人登録原票記載事項証明書 on file in the city you reside in? Well then guess what – you are not someone who “should be considered” a resident, you are not a “would-be resident” (which any reasonable person would interpret as “someone who wants to/plans to live in a certain place but does not yet do so” anyway), you are a resident. And you have a residency certificate. Not exactly the same one as a Japanese does, but you have one, and one that that is as legally powerful and effectively shows all the same information as a 住民票. You want the exact same piece of paper as a Japanese national? Then become one! Or else show some cogent reasons why a 外国人登録原票記載事項証明書 is not a valid certificate of residency, or how not having the exact same piece of paper (住民票) as a Japanese national is discriminatory and negatively impacting the daily lives and legal status of foreigners. But since both the 外国人登録原票記載事項証明書 and 住民票 are for all intents and purposes exact legal equivalents, that would be a hard argument to make. If the argument can be made, though, it should, and such an argument should be made rationally. Complaining about a seal or an otter getting a meaningless and non-legal “Honorary residency certificate” as a publicity stunt, however, is not making a rational argument, it is comparing apples and oranges and merely shows the stupidity of the complainer, as well as being counter-productive. Protesting Tama-chan and Ku-chan will not make people consider the merits of giving 住民票 instead of 外国人登録原票記載事項証明書 – it will just have them scratching their heads in puzzlement and make it that much harder to have a rational discussion about the merits of the issue.

Just as an afterthought (funny, because this is the main point) — whether or not this is a publicity event is beside the point. There are actual human beings who have lived in this country for decades and paid tens of thousands of dollars in residency taxes and yet the government still refuses to call them residents. It’s hard not to feel at least a little bit slighted. I’m not suiting up to go firebombing, but I have to laugh at the irony of the situation.

Then again, I may get riled up again the next time I have to face some absurdity to do with the 住民票 or 戸籍 system (actually, just a couple of weeks ago, my stimulus check was mailed to me separately from my wife/daughters — ah yes, I forgot, as a foreigner, I’m not actually a member of my own family. Silly me. )

(Yes, yes, I know; “honorary”. How many people do you think make that distinction in their mind? No, for all intents and purposes, this is simply a case of “hey, let’s give the otter a 住民票!”)

Two last thoughts I had after finishing the above:

1. The tax issue – it isn’t one. You pay taxes for police protection, the fire department, garbage collection etc. If your house catches fire, the local firemen are not going to say “Oh, wait, that’s Jake’s house and he’s not a resident, so we can’t go put his house out”, now are they? The trashman doesn’t say “Sorry Jake, but you’re not a resident and so I can’t pick up your trash”, now does he? If the city has a city-funded (tax-funded) event, they don’t turn you away saying “Thanks for helping pay for this with your taxes, but this is for residents only, and you aren’t one”, do they? The argument that since you pay 住民税 and are eligible for (almost*) all the rights and benefits that entails, but don’t have a certain piece of paper with ”住民” written at the top in big letters and therefore are somehow being treated unfairly is silly. If you were paying your taxes and any or all of the examples I gave above were happening, in other words paying taxes while being denied access to services funded by those taxes, you would have grounds for complaining.

2. “Yes, yes, I know; “honorary”. How many people do you think make that distinction in their mind?” You must have a pretty low opinion of the intelligence of the average Japanese. Do you think anyone actually thinks that by giving Ku-chan a ”特別住民票” that he is now on the same level as they are? Sheesh. “How many people make that distinction in their mind?” How about “all of them”. Or perhaps “all normal people, who don’t insist on acting like psychotic girlfriends and endlessly agonizing over the hidden meaning of meaningless events or things that were said while trying to twist everything into some form of putdown”.

*exceptions would be for things that only apply to Japanese nationals, such as being able to register to vote in your city