The hyperbolic hype of Japanese advertising

When I first arrived in Japan I was taken aback by the extravagant and grammar-challenged English blurbs that I saw on various and sundry products. For example:

“Delicious and healthy life!

We are wishing that your life is healthier and is filled fortunately.”

This comment seems to be well intentioned, but to take a dim view of the reader’s present lifestyle and prospects for the future.

And this on a new electric fan:

“30cm. Blade antique fan. This fan make old generations remember old good times. And this will be made a new impression on young people.”

I was more surprised by the extravagant claims made about the products than by the fractured grammar, but I put it down to the copywriter’s limited facility with English; I couldn’t believe that anyone would intentionally make claims that were not just false advertising, they were entering the realm of the absurd. But then I started learning how to read Japanese and realized that some of the ad copy written in Japanese was even more outlandish than what I’d seen in English. My early impression had been correct, but the copywriters’ poor command of English was not resulting in unintentional hyperbole, on the contrary, it stymied the flourishes and embellishments that they wanted to throw on the lily to give it a good and proper guilding.

I recently came across an extreme example in a Coca-Cola Japan product called “Aquatherapy Minaqua”. It’s ordinary mineral water, but that “aquatherapy” part makes me wonder whether I should drink it, take a bath in it, or get someone to give me a massage with it. Anyway, here’s a translation of the label:

Aquatherapy

Minaqua

Natural Water

Blessing of Select Japanese Forests

(Soft Water)

On the back side of the bottle it says:

Blessing of Select Japanese Forests

Soft water that assuages and enriches you body

and soul, and allows you to realize your true self.

I think those are some magnificent claims for a bottle of mineral water. One thing that’s laughable is that this is soft water (軟水), which means there are few minerals in it. Coca-Cola Japan is flogging non-mineral mineral water and billing it as a tonic for the body and soul, a veritable “aqua therapy”. One thing I can say for them is they’ve got chutzpah. If you visit their website you’ll see that they advertise some of they’re other products in the same over the top way.