Government to Promote Adopt a Nova Teacher – Workstay Program.

With the collapse of the largest English conversation chain in Japan throwing thousands of foreigners out of a job, and often out of a place to reside, the Japan government announced today that it will sponsor, with public funds, a relief program to provide food, shelter and employment to hungry homeless former Nova teachers by putting them up in workstays across rural Japan

The project that will be largely funded by the government at first, is expected to eventually pay big dividends. It is also expected to promote rural revitalization efforts and is in line with other programs already in place by the Agricultural and Health ministries. It will also give young, non Japanese, a taste of rural living, along with satisfying the labor shortage among farming and fishing households across Japan,

“This program will further enhance the internationalization of the Japanese countryside by bringing together two needs, the need for jobs, and food by former Nova teachers and the need for slave labor and entertainment among rural households” said an Education Minister. “We will be killing two birds with one stone. Instead of payment of unemployment insurance and welfare, from public funds to idol teachers, the farming households will subsidize the program by providing food for the foreigners and make payments for their labor to local government coffers, which are badly in need of additional revenue given the depopulation and dire straits of the countryside.”

It is expected that the former teachers (who many may have never experienced living in a rural setting) may find the physical labor demands on them to be strenuous compared to what they have been used to doing. Besides sitting in a classroom all day, possibly only exerting themselves occasionally to escape from a policemen or a stalker, most have not lead particularly active lives in Japan up till now. “This real work will improve their health, and their attitude, and let them see firsthand what living in the Japan countryside is really like, dispelling stereotypes and misconceptions” said a government spokesperson.

Some will be distributed to mountainous regions to assist with harvesting activities and construction work, others may be called to help out with undermanned fishing operations, some others may be assigned road clearance tasks. “It will be up to each individual to perform the tasks required to the best of their ability, if they don’t they can just go back to their home countries”, added another minister, “We have no particularly good feeling about helping non-Japanese with public funds that everyone’s taxes support. That money is needed for expanding territorial claims against neighboring countries or to support cultural icons like dolphin and whale slaughter, it is a waste to give it to Gaijins to buy imported beer and strange foreign foods” added another high ranking administration official.

Many rural areas of Japan have never closely experienced living in close proximity to a non Japanese person, so it will be a good chance for them to practice their English, compare cultural differences, and get some help with the more demanding tasks the government refuses to pay for.

Many rural households are not able to find suitable marriage partners, this has been a growing problem over the years. These young people from overseas are enthusiastic breeders and good entertainers, they will add a very energetic element into the aging, inbred, and depopulating countryside of Japan.

Government spokesman were very enthusiastic about promoting this ‘adopt a teacher’ campaign. They want everyone to understand it solves a problem for everyone concerned. Your government is working for the best interests of all. Please participate enthusiastically.