Being Gay And Gaijin In Japan

What is it like being a homosexual foreign male in Japan? Well ‘Scott’ age 39 (who wishes his real name not the name of his partner not be used) has agreed to tell us a little bit about what it is like. Scott will tell a little about his life here in Japan on the condition that it not involve any strictly private or embarrassing details about his relationship with his Japanese partner. Thank you Scott.

Scott met his Japanese lover ‘Taro’ (age 44) in Vancouver, Canada about 5 years ago where he was working at the time as an assistant manager of a museum. Taro soon returned to Japan, where he worked as a restaurant manager, and they corresponded over the years, occasionally meeting and traveling together to various places around South East Asia. Finally, he invited Scott to join him in Japan, and Scott hesitatingly agreed to do so.

“I had been to Japan a few times before actually moving here for the long term, so I sort of knew what to expect, but I had some worries about how I would be treated and whether I would be accepted. I just took it a day at a time” he says. “My partner wanted us to move in with his elderly mother in Northern Japan and I was kind of hesitant about doing that. I mean I didn’t know how people would react. Everyone knows him (Taro) and they soon understood what my relationship with him was. I was worried about living in a conservative city in Northern Japan.”

“Well we moved into his mother’s place and Taro started working in one of her (partner’s mother) snacks (bars) . I helped out a little at the beginning, but we had so many people show up who were curious about me, and wanted to meet me, I had to stick around more and more, now I am working pretty much full time. I made up some dishes I thought would be tasty to our customers. Some have been hits and others have not. The Taco Salad we added to the menu is very popular, but the avocado dip however was a bomb” Scott says. “It’s really a hit and miss thing, but I have very much enjoyed what I am doing here, it is what I wanted to do together with Taro.”

Scott says that his relationship with his partner has had a few difficult moments, but they remain strongly committed to each other. “When we first started living with his mother, I saw a side of him I didn’t know existed. He is a very good son, and his mother has a very strong personality, even at her age (80) and she controls him quite a bit, but I can’t say that is bad. She and I get along good. I help take care of her. I do some of the shopping, and help her with some of her personal needs. She agreed to build us a separate house on property she owns, and she did that. We moved in last summer. It is nice to have our own place now.”

Scott was worried about how he might be treated in their community, but he says after a ‘honeymoon period’ things have settled down quite a bit. “A lot of Taros’ and his mother’s friends would drop by to meet me and say hello, and bring gifts. Most of them were really nice. When Taro re-opened the snack that his mother owned, the first few weeks were really busy, but now it has quieted down to a pretty regular crowd. “The whole thing is really so normal. We have had a few problem customers, but you get that everywhere.” In fact it is so normal, it can be downright boring sometimes, according to Scott. “I have had some children point their fingers at me and laugh, but I think that is just because I am not Japanese. That happens everywhere. I have also seen some people gesture towards me and whisper so I can only guess what they are saying, but that really doesn’t bother me. I would go crazy if I let that sort of thing get to me. I just smile.”

When asked if his intent was to set up a gay bar in his area, Scott replied that it was not. It just worked out that way. “My partner and I had no intention of making our place exclusively anything, we wanted everybody, no matter who they were, to feel comfortable about coming here, but it is hard to know for sure, we get all kinds of people from every walk of life..” In fact it has been very good for Scott and Taro. They are planning to remodel and re-open another restaurant/bar soon. “We have ideas on opening a second place. We will probably have to hire some people, but I am sure it will be successful, the place we have now is a small place and some nights the crowd here is overwhelming. We will expand carefully and slowly.” Scott says that they have several options for the future.

Scott passes the time he is not working alongside his partner, painting and studying Japanese. “The hardest part is not being able to communicate with our customers well enough yet. I am improving, but I still have a long way to go.” “I just want people to know it is possible to be happy here and live your life as you like, no matter who you are.” That is a message that everyone can appreciate.