Why Don’t Japanese Men Kiss Their Wives?
A few weeks ago, a show aired on Japanese TV that made some interesting comparisons between Japan and the rest of the world. Most of the data on the show as in ranking form, such as this chart showing how often a day married couples kiss around the world:
If it wasn’t for Korea, Japan would have been dead last in the ranking. A dismal 0.56 daily kisses caused the show to state that it was an example of “Bad Nippon.” To investigate why foreigners kiss more often, the show assembled a panel of foreign TV talento to debate the kiss issue with some Japanese celebrities:
A crude summary of their discussion:
Pakkun and the other foreign guys rip into Japanese men, stating that they are shocked that Japanese husbands do not kiss their wives more often. Surely if one has love and affection for one’s wife, one would at least kiss her once or twice a day! And what about expressing one’s appreciation for all the cooking and cleaning one’s wife does? They could not understand why Japanese couples kiss all the time before marriage, but after the wedding vows were exchanged, the kisses abruptly ended. Where’s the love?!
The Japanese men respond to this barrage of criticism by claiming that there are more ways to express your love and appreciation than kissing: Isn’t it okay to just say “thank you” to your wife and give her a shoulder massage? Kisses are only appropriate when one is in a certain extraordinary emotional state, so why kiss our wives every day when even when we’re not in such a state? Panelist Saito-san gives a passionate statement about how he shows his deep love for his wife by working hard,making money, and paying off loans so that he can support his household for many years. The foreigners are not impressed by these arguments.
It’s an interesting issue, and it would be great if some organization could carry out a more in depth survey. I’d like to see how marital kissing differs by age of couples, particularly to examine whether or not the younger generations are closer to their foreign counterparts. One could also check if the Japanese couples that don’t kiss very often are also the folks responsible for dragging down their nation’s rank in surveys that name the Japanese as having the least active sex life in the world [this ranking was not featured on the show].
The kissing segment of the show may have made Japan look a bit “bad,” but they followed it up with an international ranking of countries with the most robots. Sure enough, Japan won:
After announcing that Japan was number one, the announcers declared the result an example of “Good Nippon” and everyone applauded. At that moment, the floor beneath the Japanese celebrity guests began to rise, putting them above all the foreign guests seated next to them. Way to pat yourself on the back, Nippon!
A Chinese Family That Loves Japanese Stuff
20 Billion Tweets
First Errand Failure
Doorway Monster
Thousands Line Up For Hayabusa Exhibit
Tokyo Sky Tree Beer
Karuizawa Cosplay
Japan Facing a Farmville Invasion
3D Camcorder
Japanese Kid Takes Solo Bullet Train Trip
Spiny Softshell Turtle in Japan
Summer 2010 Beef Bowl Price War
I always assumed it was because they were cold and devoid of passion.
Hey, as the Japanese saying goes, “You don’t feed a fish after you’ve caught it.” (釣った魚に餌をやらない)。
I have a couple friends who are fake priests and occasionally they get requests from the couple before the wedding to omit the kiss at the end of the ceremony.
Sometimes shame outweighs love.
“The kissing segment of the show may have made Japan look a bit “bad,” but they followed it up with an international ranking of countries with the most robots. Sure enough, Japan won.”
lol
Rate this comment:
0 
0
haha, the old guy in the robot clip looks like he’s thinking, “this isn’t something to be proud of you retards…” when everyone is cheering at the ranking. perhaps he understands the conundrum of low sex life, obsession with robots, and the biggest porn industry in the world.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
In the other hand, I like shy Japanese girls. It makes them somehow more attractive.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Japan has way too much pride, so much where they think kissing their wives are considered not manly enough.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
While there are certainly plenty of ways to show/tell your spouse that you love them, what’s the case AGAINST kissing more often? It’s a simple gesture to make and, at least in my case, is one that I have always found to be extremely pleasurable.
Do any of the Japanese men suggest that they don’t want to kiss their wives?
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Perhaps it’s that the wives don’t want to be kissed by stale fags’n'coffee breath?
Rate this comment:
0 
0
I’ll kiss any of those kiss deprived Japanese wives out there!
You no longer have to suffer this travesty! Come to me!
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Not also do they not kiss their wives up there, but down there also remember this
http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/waiwai/archive/news/2007/02/20070220p2g00m0dm023000c.html
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Those idiots who say that they should make up for the Japanese are not helping either.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Hey, it is just which countries/cultures/religious values kissing more, isn’t it? That cannot be a good-or-bad issue.
Think about this. If middle-eastern and Russian people tell to you that your(male) not kissing your male friends much means lack of your friendlyness(or even humanity, etc.), do you agree with them?
Rate this comment:
0 
0
You could say that except for the fact that this is a Japanese T.V. program saying “bad Japan”, not a western program. This has nothing to do with western notions about what is “good” or “bad”.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
I had a bit of reverse culture shock when I went to Paris for a stint after being in Japan for a few years. People were kissing all over the place, left and right! Have you no shame!? Ou’ lala, the humanity.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Its not the kiss what tells someone if he or she loves her or him.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Jeeeeez, not again with the ethnocentrism/western-centric stuff! It’s a CULTURAL difference. Does it mean that Japanese guys are passionless and cold? NO. Just because westerners express love through kissing doesn’t mean that people in other countries do too.
I’m of Japanese blood but I was raised here in the US, so there’s a lot of kissing in my relationship.
Heh.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Yeah – that’s true for other East Asian cultures too. (China and Korea were 8 and 10 in that kissing poll for that matter.) They don’t tend to kiss a lot or make a big show of their affection, though perhaps younger generations are more likely to do those things than older generations.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
It should be noted that:
-Japanese couples kiss all the time when they are dating. -Japanese TV dramas and movies also have kissing as a means of expressing love.
Kissing may be a cultural import from the west, but it’s still very present in the current Japanese idea of romance.
I’m surprised at China’s relatively high showing – nearly five times Japan’s rate, in fact. But aside from Brazil, known as a hotbed of hotness and passion anyway (Carnival), all the non-neighbour countries were Western with the Romantic tradition of slobbering all over your wife. What about places like Malawi, India, and Fiji?
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Did nobody else laugh at the typo? MARTIAL kissing? (I assume it was meant to be “marital.” But martial kissing…that sounds like it has a future in the Olympics. Spectators and participants would welcome it, I bet. Ha ha ha. Then again, it sounds kind of dangerous…
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Geeze…apparently you take this personally. I’ve had a different experience however. I lived in Japan for 7 years and have been in relationships with Japanese men. Honestly speaking, as far as kissing Japanese men vs Western men…it’s all the same. More importantly, the ‘skill’ depends on the individual and has nothing to do with the culture. I did not have any ‘bad’ experience in Japan. In fact, they were quite enjoyable. And I agree, there are otherwise to show appreciation. However, I’d lole to point out that kissing wasn’t taboo or anything (for gods sake they have love hotels in Japan!). Public display on the other hand was frowned upon.
Perhaps the question could have been worded differently? Who gave this test by the way (company)? Who responded to it (how many more importantly) and what was the age group(s) or generation gap between participators? How long was each individual married for (2 years, 8 years, ect.)
These questions should also be considered before passing judgment.
Granted Japan needs to pick up ‘populating’ the nation, but this has nothing to do with this topic. It’s rather ridiculous and for those of us who have lived Japan understands this notion. It’s just another thread that allows Japan ‘bashing’ (a known concept in historiography since the 1970s). Before your criticize or pass judgment, understand the culture and nation. I.E. THE FACTS! You obviously can’t compare it to France. Western concepts do not translate fluidly. Just look at the Constitution of Japan. It makes perfect sense in English, but translated into Japanese it leaves a lot room for interpretation (i.e. article 9).
Rate this comment:
0 
0
sorry Deas…I meant to respond to someone else. My mistake. ごめんなさい。
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Why am I not surprised they followed the kissing with something random to pat themselves on the back? Japan will never change. By the way, Japanese people from what I remember, can be TERRIBLE kissers overall, think fish mouth with darting tongue back.
I’m not surprised they don’t do it, its cause they suck at it!
Rate this comment:
0 
0
This is a personal attack and not a valid argument.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
The logical conclusion from these two news segments is to start the development of a kissing robot.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
a kissing robot? that wont work,if theres no feel,no warmth,there is no way you could learn. they need an expert,a teacher in the art of kissing.if i think about it kissing is a bit complicated,you have to match the other persons rhythm,there are tricks (gently bitting,licking the lips etc..),i guess you need a good teacher and in the end a lot of experience.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
The kiss is propaganda of GHQ.
It is at 1945 that the culture that kissed entered Japan.
The kiss is one of the “Culture” that GHQ strongly advanced in Japan where it was
occupied after the defeat at WW2.
Cultural of Japan destruction was an aim. It was an aim to make it not recover twice.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Where the heck! do you get your information from? That is a load of garbage. Have you ever seen a wood block painting or read the tale of Genji? They’re full of sexual relations (kissing and more). Kissing is not a foreign concept.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
My boyfriend claims that kissing mentally leads to sex in the Japanese mind, so unless they’re going to have sex, they don’t want to kiss.
Thats… fucking stupid.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
That explains why my wife never wants to make out when it’s that time of the month…
Rate this comment:
0 
0
if they dont kiss,they wont have the urge to have sex. do they agree on kissing,they discuss it 2 days prior to the date,so they are mentally prepared. Jesus! No kissing is like murder,its one of the best parts of having a relationship.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
For me, to kiss is like to say: I’m yours!(too easy?) But maybe for the japanese culture this can be a serious problem…
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Who knows why the Japanese don’t kiss? Who knows why the Japanese do or don’t do anything? Sometime in the 1980’s Japan went bat-shit crazy and they’re never coming back. But seriously though, there is a real demographic problem in Japan, maybe if they kissed more they would end up having more kids and solving that problem.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
birth rate boost, just be human it’s very scary that somehow it seems like we’ve really lost that.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Its strange that japanese men dont kiss their wives a lot, but maybe they all have a secret reason! Like, they dont want it to be so crowed to they stop having a lot of kids!!! That way, their kids can live in a semi-non-crowded city!! Brilliant!!
But then. You take into consideration the amount of otakus, workaholics, busybodies, and long days, and it all makes sense.
Rate this comment:
0 
0
And there’s a major sad lack of sexuality and humanity here period Mckenzie
Rate this comment:
0 
0
Yup it’s very strange, in fact abnormal
golly it’s so very sad people here are very against having babies!
Rate this comment:
0 
0
I’m English, and i find myself agreeing with Japanese men.
It would be nice if English men showed the same restraint. Just because they dont do it, doesnt mean they dont want to. The fact that kissing is reduced to less than once a day makes that kiss more special. When it does happen, it is more appretiated.
It’s also nice that they dont just rely on kisses to please their women. I see it as a shame that men think that a snog is the answer to every argument or disagreement, or a way to shut your girlfriend up, or a way to start sex.
I think the people of Japan are very wise, as most english girls will agree “we only want what we cant have” If we get something constantly we dont want it anymore.
I think that Japanese women must be very pleased when they recieve kisses!
Rate this comment:
0 
0
japanese guys are hopeless send them european girlfriends to wake them up
Rate this comment:
0 
0