How to avoid being falsely accused of groping

While Japanese director Masayuki Suo is being praised for his “groping for justice” in his new film “I Just Didn’t Do It,” the prospect of being falsely accused of touching girls on a packed train remains very real. Mainichi’s latest WaiWai column has translated some advice on the matter from a weekly magazine:

So to keep its readers out of trouble, Asahi Geino provides what might very well be the most comprehensive advisory ever published on how to avoid being falsely accused of groping.

Get an early start. If possible, depart from the first station on the line. Considering the extra outlay to purchase a reserved seat ticket.

Be especially careful if you commute on express trains with long intervals between stops.

If you’re standing, grasp the strap with both hands, so they are visible to everyone in your proximity.

Turn your back towards women standing close by.

If you happen to bump against a woman, say “Pardon me” in a voice loud enough to be heard by other passengers and change your position.

Under no circumstances should you stand beside girls of middle school age.

Apologize promptly and profusely for any physical contacts with a woman, even arm contact.

Chew gum or suck on bad breath mints — bad breath tends to annoy people.

It’s dangerous to tap out messages on cell phones as some women may suspect a man is using the built-in camera to surreptitiously take her photo.

Remember: stay away from young girls, and for God’s sake, chew some gum! Actually, maybe you should just avoid trains altogether….